curse
by Synesthesiae
Summary: au. "we women die for love; it's our curse."


He was a bad seed, she knew, but she still fell for him. Hard.

That's who she was. A girl who died for love.

"It's a curse," her mother had once said when she was so young that she couldn't even remember her own deceased mother's face. "We women always put love first and that's our doom. We die for it. Men don't."

She hadn't believed her mother then. But right now, she slowly is.

He's kneeling next to her. His hands are red with her blood. His soft, raven hair is so beautiful that she wishes she can reach up to touch it one last time. But she can't. She has no more strength left.

She can see that he's crying for her. His hands shake. His body shakes. But still, his heart is untouched. So untouchable that she almost smiles in pity.

Pity for her. Pity for her foolish love.

"Shirley…" he whispers her name. "I'm so sorry…"

She manages a smile. "Don't be…" she says softly. Her chest puffs up slightly and she gasps for air. He looks struggled.

"I'm glad… to have done this for you… I want to be the one who… fulfills… your…"

 _Wish._

She can hear his crying echoing louder and louder but she can see no more.

Then at last, at long last, at the end of her suffering, she manages to realize one thing.

That her love is foolish.

That he never loves her.

That she loves him unconditionally.

But what does it matter? She's no more. She's but a ghost on this earth.

At last, she manages a small, tiny smile before his cries eventually fade away.

i

She met him at a joint.

He was just like her. Straight out of high school, no job, no family to care for or who cared for him. He was tall, slender and handsome. Very handsome for a junkie, she thought. When their eyes met, she realized that she'd found her true love.

They talked and talked. He told her he used to have a sister but she passed away due to pneumonia and that's when he gave up on his parents. They couldn't have cared less about their children.

She listened very closely. She nodded when needed. She shook her head when asked for. She voiced her opinion when necessary. At the end, she could tell that she'd grasped his full attention.

"So silly of me," he said with a charming smile. "I've been talking but haven't introduced myself. My name is Lelouch."

"I'm Shirley," she replied with a bright smile.

For these two addicts, that's all they needed.

Each other. Understanding and love.

ii

They talked frequently about buying and selling.

"Could be dangerous," he'd said.

"We can make a lot of money that way," she'd pushed. "Distribution earns ten times more. Maybe twenty or thirty if we're really lucky."

"All we need are connections," he'd said.

The next day, he brought over a beautiful, green-haired woman named C.C.

She didn't say much. Actually, she was pretty quiet. However, she was smart. Too smart for Shirley's comfort. C.C. and Lelouch would just keep on talking about their drug dealings. Their conversation never strayed from the business at hand but Shirley suddenly felt a tinge of jealousness and threat.

C.C. could've been a better partner for Lelouch than Shirley was.

But then again, their relationship status was unknown. Lelouch and Shirley were surely best friends. They were probably more than that on some occasions but the words were never uttered. She wanted to say she loved him but she still waited for that first confession from him. After all, men are supposed to do it, right? That's what she liked to think. So she waited for him.

It never came. So she assumed they're just really good and close friends.

Now that C.C. came into the picture, Shirley suddenly felt very threatened. Lelouch spent more time talking to that mysterious green-haired woman than he did with Shirley. They were often away on business deals and when he came back, he was all exhausted that all he wanted to do was sleep.

She respected that.

Until one day, she caught a scene that shattered her heart. Completely.

She was supposed to be on an errand. Lelouch and C.C. were going over the business plans like usual at their place. But Shirley forgot her wallet so she turned back on the highway and drove back home.

She didn't have to open the door to see what was going on inside.

Looking through the window with its curtain drawn, she saw Lelouch tucking a stray hair behind C.C.'s ear. He had never done that with Shirley before. In fact, he barely touched her. They hugged but other than that, nothing happened.

Now, he's tucking strands of hair behind a stranger's ear. A smile was even dancing on his lips. C.C. was simply smirking. She gently grabbed his hand and he leaned in for a kiss.

That's when Shirley turned on her heels and ran away so fast that she thought she would die from exhaustion.

She cried and cried and cried at a beach. The sun was setting. A red velvet curtain was slowly pulling down over the sun and she was still crying and sobbing.

That night, she decided to go see the buyer herself.

They had never really cleared this buyer. They weren't sure if he were a narc. They wanted to be sure. Not tonight, Shirley decided.

She went to see him.

He was by himself. He had a suitcase with him.

Money, she thought as she approached him. In her purse, she had a kilogram of the powders. She was trembling all over. This was the first time she's doing this. Usually, typically, it's Lelouch and C.C.

For once, Shirley wanted to be worthy.

The man pushed himself off the wall that he'd been leaning on and stepped toward her.

That's when she realized something's wrong.

She heard it before she saw it.

Sirens were everywhere.

Then his pace quickened and he reached behind him. She froze for a split second before throwing her purse at him and took off in the opposite direction.

She heard him yell "Stop! Or I'll shoot! _"_ over and over again but she couldn't stop. She just couldn't. What would Lelouch think of her when he found out about this? He would be so disappointed, even more disappointed than he already was. He would surely desert her. Why would he even need her? He had C.C. Like Irene Adler to Sherlock Holmes.

Shirley was just a mere character in his novel.

She was crying as she ran. And maybe that's why she didn't feel the burn of the bullet passing through her side. Maybe that's why she didn't feel her blood gushing out. She just kept on running.

She took so many turns, so many different unknown routes that eventually she'd lost the narc.

That's when she realized she was in so much trouble. She called him.

He came right away.

He was out of breath. He looked shocked, hurt, pained.

She didn't want to see those looks in his oh so handsome face.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered as he pressed his hands on her wound, hoping to stop the flow of blood. But it was too late. Too late for both of them.

"You silly, why?" he choked. Tears streamed down his face and it gave her a pleasant feeling knowing that her one true love was crying for her.

Then, she thought about this afternoon when he kissed C.C.

"I love you," she said.

He looked at her. His eyes widened a bit.

She closed her eyes. She knew he could never return those words to her because he had never loved her.

"Shirley…" He was crying so hard now that his whole body shook.

"I love you," she repeated. Then opening her eyes, she smiled up at him. It hurt to even breathe now. "You don't have to love me back, but please don't forget me…"

"How can I!?"

"Thank you."

"I'm so glad… to have fulfilled your…"

 _Wish._

She knew of his wish. And she had helped fulfill it.

She had to die for his wish to be fulfilled.

She had no regret because she loved him so, so, so much.

"It's a curse," her mother had said, "we women die for love. Men don't."

 _That's so true, Mother._

iii

A/N: Thank you for reading! And of course I don't own Code Geass.


End file.
